Essay feedback

WWW: Your response stays focused on the idea of power in the media which is good to see. The inclusion of Pluralist perspectives is good and definitely something you need to include in your real exam essay but you talk about this at different times rather than a clear, focused paragraph on it. You do have some of your own opinion and you do mention some of the things we have studied to focus on the question - Paywalls and examples such as Black Lives Matter which are up to date. Your essay writing technique has improved which shows you have taken advice on forming topic sentences which engage with the question and use quotes to support an argument.

EBI: Your main issue is lack of depth and balance.  Use the key words from the question and show the reader clearly where the paragraph is going so that you don't have two paragraphs about Pluralism and none on Marxism. You need to embed quotes more, as you do later in the essay   You also define pluralism and citizen journalism where, with an essay like this, you must answer the question throughout and then USE these theories to back up your argument rather than using definitions. Most of your sentences could be further developed with embedding quotes and theories and stats into these sentences.

There’s a huge amount we’ve covered over the last 14 weeks that doesn’t appear in this essay – Marxism, paywalls, David Simon, Clay Shirky, News Values etc. In fact, you are seriously lacking in quotes and theories. Another area that is really lacking is statistics – there are so many out there that exemplify the changes in consumption and production due to new and digital media. Find them, revise them and use them!To achieve balance, I would also build Alain de Botton and Gramsci’s Hegemony into a paragraph on an ‘illusion of power’ where you could discuss the notion that pluralism and empowerment is simply a myth and a false idea when, in fact, the hegemony / Marxist viewpoint could still be argued (Google? Top 5% of websites account for 75% of the volume)? Finally, if you can find somewhere for Clay Shirky’s on news that’s another excellent A2 theory to add to the essay and will push you up to the higher grades.

LR- Write a new paragraph from a Marxist perspective arguing that the audience does not have as much power as they might assume– there’s scope to add depth here and I certainly think you should lay out both sides of the argument (particularly with a ‘to what extent’ question or equivalent). Also, don’t forget to clearly introduce your case study – the examiner won’t know what industries you have studied and you have not introduced the News as your focus. Gatekeeping? The unregulated nature of the internet? Globalisation? Clay Shirky? Use some of the quotes from our quote sheet (‘The great leveller’ and ‘Paradigm Shift’ – Krotoski- versus the dominance of Sky and Daily Mail both online and in print which promote a Right wing agenda and is still the most read newspaper in UK)  we have used in class and embed them as you have done with the rest of your essay.